As hard for you to leave me

"Do you think I can stay to become a nothing to you? Do you think I am an automaton? --a machine without feelings? and can bear to have my morsel of bread snatched from my lips, and my drop of living water dashed from my cup? Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong! --I have as much soul as you, --and full as much heart! And if God had gifted me with some beauty, and much wealth, I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now for me to leave you. I am not talking to you now through the medium of custom, conventionalities, or even of mortal flesh: --it is my spirit that addresses your spirit; just as if both had passed through the grave, and we stood at God's feet, equal, --as we are!" ~ Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

This passage has literally been stuck in my head all day long - like a song. The words rotating through. Over and over again.

"I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now for me to leave you."

Especially that line.

I really don't like being apart from the people I love and care about. Even if I've seen them all day or just finished talking to them on the phone. As soon as they're gone, I want them back. And I wonder if it's as hard for them to leave me as it is for me to leave them. Or maybe I'm just too crazily attached to everyone.

And despite my misgivings and slight abhorrence towards romantic love, at the end of the day I still have that deep longing for the one person who will have just as much trouble being apart from me as I will from him. The irrational loneliness sets in. Is it possible to miss someone you haven't met yet? Can you feel lonely because you miss an idea?

I'm feeling a little melancholy and sentimental tonight. Obviously.

Perhaps I should stop listening to "Unintended" by Muse and reading 19th century romances.

Yeah. Not going to happen.

Today it rained. Off and on. The sky was kind of bipolar. But it was a good rain at times: a downpour. Standing in the pouring rain and getting completely soaked always makes me think about God. I feel really close to Him.

The comforting part of all this sentimentality is that I know that God wants me. He wants me more than anyone else possibly could. And He loves me more than anyone can. Whether that "one person" exists or not, I still have Him. Always.

I cannot think of a workable transition.

So.

We got mail from Finland today. For my senior piano recital my mom and I are playing two short piano duos for four hands by Gavrilin. We had to order the music online, and it was rather hard to find. The copy we ended up ordering came from Finland. It was pretty amazing and I'm kind of excited. Here are the pieces we're playing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QyQv42Lo5x8

The fantastic thing about music is that there is always a song or piece for how I'm feeling. Whether it's the lyrics or just the overall sound or the specific instruments... whatever... There is always music for the moment.

Current moment: "Gimme Sympathy" by Metric