Tuesday Evening
My first full day in the hospital is coming to a close.
At wrap up, we discuss our end of the day emotion ratings. Though lower than this morning, my marks are still the highest of the group.
Anxiety 7/10
social anxiety, new place, what are the rules, will they like me, shaky hands, tunnel vision, ordering food, she looks nice I want to get to know her, what is happening at home, who knows that I'm here, Assignment 2, hungry, not hungry, cannot close my door, no music, is this my real life?
Depression 6/10
this fog will never lift.
Suicidal Thoughts 3/10
better off without.
Fear 3/10
new people, new place, new food, new routine, new rules, new everything, and if it doesn't work what then?
Anger 1/10
idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot this is all your fault
Still, they're lower.
To relax, several of my fellow patients suggest watching a movie in the group room. To watch the movie or not to watch the movie, that is the question. Ah yes, the internal debate:
To relax, several of my fellow patients suggest watching a movie in the group room. To watch the movie or not to watch the movie, that is the question. Ah yes, the internal debate:
Hide in bedroom or stay in group room.
Sleep or watch movie.
Alone or together.
Safe or potentially dangerous.
Easy or more difficult.
You can go back to your room. Maybe make a phone call. Read. Sleep sleep sleep.
Or you can stay here. Grab a snack. Be social. Laugh. Try. "Be brave dear one, be changed or be undone."
I return to my room and drop off my group therapy packet. I check the dining area. I pick up a container of Cheerios. I peek in the group room.
"What movie are we watching?"
Mr. Bean is chosen for our evening entertainment.
Okay. Movie. You can do this.
We spend the evening collectively laughing at Mr. Bean's predictably painful and equally hilarious blunders. We laugh. We laugh so much that one of the nurses tells us to be quieter.
And the laughter of Overlake Hospital Behavioral Ward is truly a wonderful thing. It's as if starving and thirsty people have been given food and water. I laugh. She laughs. He laughs.
Together we laugh and survive another day.
And the laughter of Overlake Hospital Behavioral Ward is truly a wonderful thing. It's as if starving and thirsty people have been given food and water. I laugh. She laughs. He laughs.
Together we laugh and survive another day.
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